I’m going on holiday. I love my life. I don’t suffer from any mental illnesses (I don’t think) and I’m in the main really rather happy with my lot. I’m really good at playing the glad game (see PollyAnna for reference) yet I suffer from the newest disorder on the block. When I say newest disorder I may* have made it up.
My name is Sarah – and I have NSBDAD (Non Specific Being a Div Anxiety Disorder).
I’m off on hols and I am all of a to do with all the things I need to accomplish before I fly and all the things that might happen between now, flying and returning from said holiday where I am going to chill the feck out.
The list is endless – and stupid – Must get to the bottom of the washing basket. Must make sure I bleach the sink. Must wash the bedding before I get back. Will I get fired while I am away (do not answer this, I have Non specific anxiety Being a Div disorder), will I get all the work done (not if I keep writing this blog) and what happens if, when, what, how….the list goes on.
BLEACH THE FECKIN SINK…I don’t bleach the bloody sink during the week when I live in the house when I’m constantly removing the crap that everyone else has left in the sink so why oh why oh why do I need to bleach it before I go on holiday?
Why do I need to do all of the washing – I’m finding things and adding them to the washing pile – T-shirt the 12 year old last wore in . 2010…must wash it.
The fridge – must clean it…to be fair I should have cleaned it in 2010.
Computer – must take it to computer guy and get it all cleaned up – before I catch the flight.
Passports – erm….must check the expiry dates…again.
I’m going on actual holiday. The point of the holiday is to relax and unwind and chill – and drink all of the drinks on the all-inclusive menu; yet I am already stressing about the weight that I will have to lose when I come back. What has happened to me? What has happened to that girl that went on holiday with not a care in the world with the exception of whether they will sell egg and chips in the café at 7am when we leave the club…
I think….I think it because I have nothing to worry about (except all of the above obviously) so I have to worry about something….well worry about nothing….There I’ve said it…I’m a div and worry about nothing – except the possibility of getting fired as I’ve still not finished the actual to do list because I’ve been doing all the washing.
So I’ve decided. I’m taking charge of this sorry state of affairs. When I get back from holiday, I’m going to set up a support group ….a group where we can all sit round and talk about our non specific anxiety – and support each other…with strawberry gin…and fizz.
(Since writing this blog I have done seventy billion loads of washing (and still can’t see the bottom of the washing basket), the bedding is in the washing machine and the 16 year old has told me none of her bras fit her. Trafford Centre before the flight anyone?)