The downward spiral
I don’t know when it happened. I can’t pinpoint the moment.
I can’t even remember when I changed.
One minute there I was obsessively reading high fashion magazines, looking at the clothes I would, may and possibly could purchase for my ever extending wardrobe and then the next I was drawn to house things.
Things designed to make my house look better – not me. And worse still, things designed to make my house run more efficiently. Not even beautiful things.
Don’t get me wrong, I still crave beautiful things for me. My boudoir and shoe collection is testament to that but I am worried about my descent into middle age.
Things I really want start with the following:
– A Utility Room
Instead of having my washer and dryer downstairs in my cellar, I dream of a room dedicated to laundry. WTF! I am screaming at myself. Laundry. A room dedicated to washing. WHAT. HAS. HAPPENED. TO. ME?
– A Larder
Now I don’t mean your run of the mill cupboard which you can pull out of the wall and it cunningly displays your tins of nearly out of date tuna, your herb collection from 1996 and the emergency chicken soup just in case of illness. I mean a real larder. A walk in larder. A cupboard where all sorts of interesting things are stashed. My granny had a larder and it was often the first thing me and my sister attacked when we went on a trip to visit the wrinklies (she had proper sugar cubes). AM I TURNING INTO MY GRANNY? A LARDER?
– A Porch
I’m picturing the front door of my dreams, it opens into a wide porch where there is a wellie bootrack like this:
There is a range of perfectly arranged coat hooks where the waterproofs, school coats and weekend jackets are hanging in neat rows, perhaps even colour co-ordinated and there is even a hook for school bags. Perhaps there is even room for a small ottoman where picnic rugs and everything that is currently in the boot of my car can be stored.
I realise that the porch of my dreams is also a tardis.
However, my hallway is currently my porch.
Obviously further down the list of wants include beautiful shoes, gorgeous make-up, a ready supply of botox and a personal trainer on tap.
Seriously though what has happened to me? I am concerned. What’s next? Bird-watching? The W.I.? A subscription to SAGA?
How have I become that person that wants a utility, in fact not just wants a utility. I crave a utility.
All you people out there, all you people with utility rooms, you don’t know how lucky you are…